Here is a quick recap (not a poem but rambles of the mind)
december2018 my first experience of interrogation from stern man wearing black suit and large extraction of my blood which caused my mental to crack slightly but it was recoverable. Some brain body EEC ECG ETC scans here and there. The years ahead were self explanatory
2022 was when I was initiated into society tasked to complete some obscure tasks and I was very conscientious with my work
2023 it all exploded in my face. Everything happened so quickly, (the reprogramming is distressing and tormenting). I’m not sure if I hold specific true or false memories but time seemed to blur from here on. Definitely had some kind of psychotic break and attempted social suicide or ego death or whatever it’s called
2024 is when I started using lifeline and was heavily hospitalised for risk of harm and thus we were sampled a large palette of Designer deliriantectables especially ordered by the men in black and foreign doctors that didn’t let me leave for a few months. Separate facility to private “PR” friendly institutions (the one people visited me and saw me at). This one was hidden away as there are multiple facilities existing. Noted that doctors run a lot of sleep experiments while you’re there to train their system data etc ohh something interesting as well if you sign up for the premium sleep experiment you get awaken up at a specific time in your sleep cycle and taken into a high security run observed process where you get injected with instantknockout and you dream pretty heavily while being hypnotised at the same time. After this process is over you’re not required to attend the day workshops but you have severe brain fog and memory loss. The outcome is that your memories are kind of rebooted and accessed from the backend or smth. I did not personally go through this but I woke up in the ungodly hours to observe until the doctor in charge found me quite irritable Don’t ask me how I know this. I’m pretty sure I don’t participate but watched the victims get rolled out on wheelchairs after when I was jigging a bit of group play time
2025 static year where I was still on high dosages and low metabolism so living the chub life. But the higherups let me chill and attend some weddings but a lot of other things I was restricted
2026 cannot recall short term memories . End of last year I started limit testing and tanking some depression dose free because I wanted to stop being so emotionally blunted. Bad idea since now my sleep is 24 hour wakefulness and 24 hour sleeping. Probably simulating blood alcohol to function properly under duress and impairmentsTh and experiments don’t stop as I feel like nobody else I can blame but myself, wtf am I doing with my life. What is my purpose. Is it to just pass butter
AS OF NOW I suddenly receive some kind of antennae wireless Bluetooth message and it’s like waking me from a state of absence . As if this idea has been long implanted in me while I was off doing jackall . Feels something is about to begin but not yet as it still needs several years. Rn I still don’t know what it is but im trusting my shrink that has offered me nuggets regarding the simplicity and complexity of life , starting off with simple goals just like adjusting sleep eating habits and movement. After that he will set me off with out the training wheels
anyways why am I posting this? I wanted to say it all started with the very night in 2018 when my mum had me take an unknown pill to send me to the emergency room at 3am because of the result. I was scheduled there for a while and it’s where my mind started getting screwed up. The terror she had put me through, the drowning in water, the mutilation of my body, the eternal servitude she expects of me, the hellfire awaiting for me at death, but at the end I really have only learnt how to become her punching bag, never able to escape (maybe) but even psychologically I am so bound that I will still buy her high end cake, a bouquet of flowers and a card. With whatever she did to me, she was still the vessel that transported me to this world. Only because she decided to fall in love. So I don’t want to repeat her actions, pass on her legacy. I think my purpose in this life is what she has manufactured for me already, to one day find peace from everything she did to me (impossible task). I will self actualise one day! I will break free! (But im weak) And I don’t even know if divine retribution can cut this, she told me im the one that will burn in hell if this if that and somehow this will still have some sort of hold on me
p.s your haters believe in you the most
happy mothers day
mind 